James Bond: The Musical is Happening For Some Reason

The Broadway musical will feature a cast of Bond villains both old and new. It will also probably be terrible.

Paul Tamburroby Paul Tamburro

If you’ve ever sat down to watch Goldfinger and thought “this is great and all, but it would be much better if Bond articulated exactly why he doesn’t want a laser to cut through his scrotum by launching into an impromptu musical number”, then James Bond: The Musical will certainly have you covered.

A concept that could only have been devised by a boardroom of people with less than one idea between them, the musical is set to debut on Broadway in late 2017 or early 2018. With music and lyrics penned by Jay Henry Weisz (who?) and a script written by Dave Clarke (who, according to his IMDB page, is responsible for Zombies of the Tar Sands of Death of Doom: Episode 1), James Bond: The Musical’s plot will not be an adaptation of either the Ian Fleming books or the movie series, with it instead being an original screenplay that will feature “several Bond villains, plus some new ones.”

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The musical was secured by producer Merry Saltzman, the daughter of famed Bond film producer Harry Saltzman, with her company Placeholder Productions having locked down the rights to bring it to Las Vegas, reports Playbill

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While up until the recent Daniel Craig films the Bond movies have certainly had their campy elements, that doesn’t make the concept of a 007 musical any less absurd. There’s a slim chance that it might not be awful, but I’d suggest that Bond fans err on the side of caution and limit their excitement to the upcoming Bond movie Spectre, instead. While it may not feature Oddjob doing cabaret, it’ll probably be more watchable.