Relationship TMI: Stuff Your Girlfriend Should Never Know You Do

You should keep some things to yourself.

Paul Tamburroby Paul Tamburro

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Imagine your girlfriend knew all of the inner-workings of your mind; it doesn’t bear thinking about. Absurdly, some men seem to believe that this is appropriate, and that they should let their significant others know everything about them for some incomprehensible reason. These men must be stopped lest they ruin every relationship they’re ever involved in, whilst also making the rest of us look like idiots with their inability to tell white lies.

Here are examples of how you can provide your girlfriend with too much information about yourself, by telling her stuff that she should never know that you do. 

You sometimes wear the same underwear two (or three) days in a row.

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If only your girlfriend knew that you’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear for three days straight, with you having deemed this behavior acceptable after turning your briefs inside-out, she’d probably think twice about venturing within your general vicinity.

It’s probably for the best that she never discovers that you sometimes overlook your own personal hygiene for the sake of ease, otherwise she would understandably never want to touch you again.

You OCCASIONALLY notice that her friends are attractive.

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We’re all adults here, so it would hardly come as a surprise to her that, yes, some of her friends are objectively attractive, and yes, you have noticed that they are attractive, but it’s not something that you need to express out loud.

No, this is exactly the kind of thing that you should keep in your head, because while it’s not particularly problematic that you have a functioning pair of eyes that allow you to acknowledge good-looking people, it’s not something that your girlfriend needs to hear.

Almost anything you do with your guy friends.

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While the dream is to get yourself a girlfriend who doesn’t hate your friends (and vice versa), getting them to like one another doesn’t mean that you should be telling her every little detail of the time you spend with them. 

The less she knows about Erik’s sexual exploits the better, and she absolutely doesn’t need to hear the long-winded, convoluted story about how Liam got arrested for arson that one time after trying to set a bar alight. Your friends are a reflection of you, and by informing her of their adventures you’re essentially offering her a window into what your life what like before you started dating her. Close that window immediately.

You take her to places that you used to take your ex-girlfriend.

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You went to a whole bunch of places with your ex-girlfriend, and some of those places were really nice. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to visit them again with your new girlfriend? 

The logic is sound, but if you take her to Mario’s Pizzeria and wax lyrical about what you and your ex got up to the last time you were here, you saying that you’ve only returned to this restaurant because you “really like their calzone” isn’t going to cut it. By all means continue to take your unwitting girlfriend on a tour of all the stuff you did in your previous relationship, but never let her know that you are doing so.

You have an embarrassingly extensive beauty routine.

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Does she really need to know about your extensive post-shower routine, including your shea butter and coconut oil shave, or that you’ve grown accustomed to placing cucumber slices on your eyes in order to remove those bags? What about you eating an unnecessarily large amount of cabbage because you heard it reduces wrinkles? Or that you noticed a thinning patch of hair on your head last month so now you lather your head in Regaine every evening? No. No she does not.

She’ll certainly appreciate you taking good care of your appearance, but she doesn’t need to know the intricacies of how you maintain your youthful looks. She also doesn’t need to know that you sometimes use her razor on your back hair.

You OCCASIONALLY look at other women.

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This is something she is very likely aware that you do, but there is no reason for you to plainly tell her that you do so. She undoubtedly does the same thing, too, so imagine how you’d feel if you caught her checking out a passerby for an extended period of time while she was in your company?

It certainly wouldn’t be good for the ol’ self-esteem, and you should consider this if you ever decide that fixating your gaze on another woman’s posterior mid-conversation with your girlfriend is a good idea. It’s unfathomable to think that some men actually do this, but yep, they do, and they should stop it immediately.

Photos: Getty Images