A fail photo is worth a thousand words, especially if they’re all synonymous with “idiot.” We decided to do some investigative reporting and find out why a man thought it would be a good idea to load an entire refrigerator into the trunk of his Honda. Of course, that investigative reporting would have required calling a bunch of people or something, and I much prefer making things up, based on the facts we already know.
So, here’s the story of what “actually” happened:
Anthony Talrico (34) was shopping at Liquidation World, “Where All Appliances, Smelly or Otherwise, Must Go!” He was looking for a new refrigerator on the cheap, and Anthony knew this was the cheapest fridge-spot in all of British Columbia. (Spend hours looking that up on Yelp if you don’t believe me.) What Anthony didn’t know was that there was more than just discounts at Liquidation World… there was also magic!
Strolling through the refrigerator aisle, he found the perfect fridge. It sparkled under the nauseating florescent glow of the store’s lights. The perfect size, the perfect color, and a decent price at $12.95. However, Anthony suddenly realized that he drove the Accord to the store and not his truck. He’ll never be able to take it home in his sedan, and a greedy-looking couple was eyeing the refrigerator covetously.
That’s when magic reared its impossible head. Anthony opened the fridge door again to look at the vegetable crisper, when all of a sudden, a tiny leprechaun popped out! Far smaller than the hand of a giant, Shauny introduced himself and said, “fer freein’ me from my cold prison, I’ll grant ya a wee wish.” Anthony thought about all the things he wanted in life, like millions of dollars, a giant house, and the respect of his angry wife, but none of them trumped this glorious refrigerator.
“I wish this fridge was small temporarily,” Anthony blurted out.
“Very well, dumbass,” responded Shauny.
“Wait, what did you call me?”
“I said, ‘chum-lass.’ It’s an Irish thing.”
Anthony wasn’t satisfied with Shauny’s stupid verbal cover-up, but he was satisfied when the fridge shrunk to the size of a computer box. Bulky, but very manageable. Anthony excitedly snuck the box out of the store and began loading it into his trunk.
But no! The fridge POOFED back to normal size! An avid bungee jumper, Anthony managed to get his bungee cables out of the trunk and tied the now full-sized fridge to the back of the car – so he could kill that f***ing leprechaun!
That’s when the police were called: while Anthony scoured Liquidation Warehouse in a murderous rage, looking for the little green Irishman who tricked him. The cops took the above photo and internet history was made. Oh, and Anthony never did catch that mischievous leprechaun. He’s still out there, looking for a new person to dick around.
Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!