Viewers tuning in to Charlie Sheen’s premier Ustream broadcast on Saturday night witnessed a spectacle of disturbing and toxic proportions, sending the latest pop-culture craze deep into tragically sad territory. Imagine a coke party with the powder hidden from view of the lens, and a horde of enabling vultures perched in the background, waiting for an opportunity, while a wildly delusional egomaniac who’s lived a life of complete excess spirals out of control for all to see.
"Sheen’s Korner," as Sheen called it, was a 45-minute show from the den of the haywire actor’s house in Sherman Oaks, California, now dubbed "Sober Valley Lodge" for sadly obvious reasons. The broadcast, which topped out at just over 100,000 viewers, featured a cast of characters that included Sheen, one of the "goddesses" Natalie Kenly, as well as Simon "Dirt Nasty" Rex and apparent hangers-on known only as Jason and Matt.
The "disorganized random experiment," as the waxy-looking called it, primarily featured the TV/film superstar exhibiting wildly narcissistic, erratically scattered behavior that included various sound effects (farts, howls and burps primarily among them), as well as responding to several pieces of Twitter follower "mail" in hugely condescending, egotistical fashion.
After admonishing a friend for calling in ("I’m watching you right now.’ – ‘OF COURSE YOU ARE! Who isn’t? That’s just how we roll when we’re WINNING"), Sheen ran down a list of "People Who Wish They Were Me Forever," which included Dr. Drew Pinsky and a reader who claimed that the actor is in a state of denial.
"You’re right," Charlie replied, "I’m in such a state of denial that I deny that you exist. Poof, you’re gone."
He also shared another list, one entitled "I Kinda Wish I Were Them For Ten Minutes". Names included Colin Farrell, Giants pitcher Brian "Fear The Beard" Wilson and Sean Penn, with whom Charlie’s said to be planning a trip to Haiti.
Here’s hoping that someone counted the number of times the word "Winning!" was utilized, because the number likely hit triple digits by the end of the broadcast. In addition to leading a speaker-breaking chant of "Winning! Winning! Winning!," Sheen displayed just how committed he was to the term by unveiling the new tattoo on his wrist, bearing the word that sparked the latest meme wildfire.
To anyone who’s witnessed the trauma of chemical transformation resulting from a deep cocaine/crack addiction, the experience was undoubtedly a troubling reminder of just how grotesquely damaging the drug can be to not only the human psyche, but the physical makeup of an individual. Sheen’s skin was pale and waxy, dark circles around his eyes and veins in his neck standing out considerably. The erraticism and intensity of his expressions and physical stature are intensely reminiscent of a man deep in the throes of a hardcore chemical addiction – but of course, this is all speculative, as we don’t want those fists of fire crashing down on us, F-18 style.
Bree Olsen, aka "Goddess Rachel," was not present – the day before broadcast, the two had a bit of back and forth over Twitter that appeared to indicate the porn star was leaving the house and relinquishing her place as one of Sheen’s two "goddesses".
Just after midnight, Charlie tweeted:
However, Bree, whose real name is Rachel, had a change of heart and decided to return later in the day, tweeting:
LOL! Oh the general public must be SO confused. What’s important to know is that I’m still here for all of you Always have been, always will
On the broadcast, Sheen issued an ultimatum to the goddess: "If you don’t show up next time, you’re going to have to find another job."
Yes, there will apparently be a next time. Sheen mentioned the possibility of weekly, or even nightly, shows much like the one that aired Saturday. With any luck, this idea will burn out before it becomes the first truly real reality show celebrity trainwreck in history.
Interestingly, the show also included call-outs to sponsors by Blumps squeezable bacon (no really, it actually exists) as well as Ritual Cleanse, who’ve quickly hopped on a viral term and begun marketing Tiger Blood. "100% organic tiger blood," Charlie read from the one-liter bottle, which contained what appeared to be blood.
After watching that broadcast, it’s clear that this living meme isn’t funny anymore. Sheen is in serious danger, and the maniacal narcissism needle has gone far beyond the red. Someone needs to reel this guy in, but who can? Unless Charlie knows something we don’t and he’s pulling a performance art stunt to make Andy Kaufman look like a kid hack, this can’t end well.