Let’s face it, guys: relationships are difficult. It’s hard to find a lady you’re compatible with, and once you do, the real work has just begun. Unfortunately, it’s all too often that the flame dies out for one member of a relationship faster than the other, and as a result, they begin to creep, creep (R.I.P. Left Eye) behind their partner’s back.
Maybe you’re curious about whether or not your girlfriend is cheating on you. The warnings are hard to read, but hopefully this list of signs will help you salvage your dignity and get out before it’s too late. Here are 12 signs your girlfriend may be cheating on you.
2. While makin’ whoopee, she asks if you will wear a name tag so she doesn’t call you by the name of one of her other sexual partners. This is a very telling sign.
3. Before she leaves for work, she says “Hey, Craig, I won’t be home tonight because I will be boning a guy from my office. There’s leftover beef stew in the microwave.” She has just informed you that she will be cheating on you tonight. Take heed of this sign.
4. She got a tattoo on her neck of a list of men, at least 40 names. It’s titled “Guys I have boned this year.” It’s February. You started dating in November.
5. You check her cell phone and all the recent calls don’t have names, but instead they’re labeled “eight inches,” “11 inches,” nine inches,” and “Girth Guy.”
6. She constantly lies and says things like, “I have to work late tonight,” and “I don’t know why I smell like Old Spice,” or “‘Spider-Man 3’ was definitely the best of the franchise.” Dump that idiot immediately.
7. Every time you tell her you love her, she says, “Out of all the men I am currently involved in sexual relationships with, you are my sixth favorite.” This is a very telling sign.
8. You ask her simple questions and she responds in a very bizarre way. For example:
You: What do you want for dinner?
You: Are you cheating on me?
9. She begins dressing very sexy when going places without you. She puts on make-up and fixes her hair to go to the store, or doesn’t wear pants to the gas station.
10. You look under her bed and find photographs of her with another man. They are wedding pictures. You also find pictures of her giving birth to children and celebrating each of their birthdays. She may have a secret family and you should discuss this immediately.
11. You have a dream where a man comes to you and says, “I just thought you should know I’ve been banging your girlfriend. A lot. Like pretty much non-stop. It’s insane that you haven’t noticed.” Then you wake up from that dream and she is having sex with that gentleman next to you. This is a big sign that she is cheating on you.
12. She has unexplained scratches on her back. Also a condom fell out of her butthole. This is a sign that she has cheated on you very recently.