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CraveOnline Sports’ 1st Annual Football Music for the Masses

Forget manufactured anthems, CraveOnline has a well-chosen song for every NFL team.

Josh Helmuthby Josh Helmuth

The NFL and Pepsi launched a boring corporate campaign that assigned songs from well-paid artists for a half-dozen teams. I think it has little chance of inspiring the masses of fans. Instead, I think there is a better way.

By taking a scroll through Billboard’s Top 200, I found some more appropriate anthems for each team and how their season is going. None of that manufactured malarkey here.

I present to you [drumroll], CraveOnline’s 1st Annual Football Music for the Masses.

Philadelphia Eagles
“We are Never Getting Back Together” – Taylor Swift
The Eagles are slowly but surely breaking up. Defensive Cordinator is already gone, Vick is concussed and out, and it’s a matter of time before Andy Reid is gone.

Houston Texans
“It’s Time” – Imagine Dragons
No more excuses. Step up.

New York Jets
“Everybody Talks” – Neon Trees
All yap.

Denver Broncos
“Finally Found You” – Enrique Iglesias
Ever since Elway retired, the Broncos have searched for the same type of quarterback that they can love the same way. Enter Peyton Manning.

Los Angeles Chargers
“I Will Wait” – Mumford & Sons
It is only a matter of time before the Chargers move North.

Baltimore Ravens
“50 Ways to Say Goodbye” – Train
The Ravens keep finding new ways to lose players to injuries … but also, to say goodbye to their foes.

Minnesota Vikings
“Fastest Girl in Town” – Miranda Lambert
The Vikings have won with the speed of Adrian Peterson and their Special Teams.

Green Bay Packers
“The One that Got Away” – Jake Owen
This song plays on two levels. First, there is last year’s playoff victory that slipped away. Secondly, there is the bitter pill of that Monday Night Football game at Seattle.

Seattle Seahawks
“Home” – Phillip Phillips
Seattle doesn’t lose at home. Viva the 12th Man!

Carolina Panthers
“F**kin Problems” – A$AP Rocky
Is there any *#&@* hope for this team?

New York Giants
“Don’t Wake Me Up” – Chris Brown
New York is the metaphorical and literal sleeping Giants of the NFL. Opponents should hope the G-Men don’t repeat last’s year wake-up and run.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
“Gangham Style” – Psy
Both the K-Pop star and the Bucs have found unexpected success and each will last 15 minutes of fame.

Kansas City Chiefs
“Put It Down” – Brandy
… like a wounded animal.

Arizona Cardinals
“Skyfall” – Adele
The Cardinals are in freefall, dropping 5 straight.

Dallas Cowboys
“Don’t Worry Child” – Swedish House Mafia
The ‘Boys are facing the third easiest 2nd half schedule of anyone and will get some easy wins.

Jacksonville Jaguars
“I Knew You Were in Trouble” – Taylor Swift
Even the Jaguars fans (are there any?) knew this team was going to be horrible this year.

Oakland Raiders
“Come Wake Me Up” – Rascal Flats
The Raiders are sleepwalking thru the season.

Cincinnati Bengals
“Live While We’re Young” – One Direction
Dalton, Green, and those youngsters are starting to catch up on the aging Ravens & Steelers.

New England Patriots
“Somebody I Used to Know” – Goyte
What happened to the team that dominated everyone thru the air? What happened to the strong defense?

San Francisco 49ers
“Hard to Love” – Lee Brice
The 49ers play exciting games, but as long as douche Harbaugh is their head coach they will be hard to love.

Detroit Lions
“Hey Ho” – Lumineers
The Lions season can be summed up in the line “I don’t know where I went wrong.”

St. Louis Rams
“I Won’t Give Up” – Jason Mraz
Sure they have only won 3 games but the Rams are the one non-playoff team no one wants to face.

Cleveland Browns
“Locked Out of Heaven” – Bruno Mars
The Browns are in the most competive division with the Steelers, Bengals and Ravens. Even if they were equipped, they wouldn’t be able to break into the playoff heaven.

Atlanta Falcons
“Va Va Voom” – Nicki Minaj
The Falcons are the belle of this year’s ball. Matty Ice Ryan is throwing like he was Rogers and Brees, the defense is playing like the Ravens, and they are showing very few weaknesses.

Indianapolis Colts
“Anything Could Happen” – Ellie Goulding
Andrew Luck is showing the poise of a proven veteran, their cancer stricken coach is providing inspiration, and there is hope in Indie again.

Buffalo Bills
“Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye” – Luke Bryan
One of a few head scratchers, the Bills spent heavily in the free agent market and came out flat.

New Orleans Saints
“Wide Awake” – Katy Perry
Oh oh… the Saints finally figured out how to not lose.

Chicago Bears
“The A Team” – Ed Sheeran
Mr. T would fit in well on that defense.

Tennessee Titans
“Southern Comfort Zone” – Brad Paiseley
The Titans are playing comfortable … which equals mediocrity in the NFL.

Miami Dolphins
“Ready or Not” – Bridgit Mendler
This one is dedicated to Ryan Tannenill.

Pittsburgh Steelers
“Call Me Maybe” – Carly Rae Jepsen
With Ravens losing key members and possibly down for the count, will the playoffs call Pittsburgh? Maybe.

Washington Redskins
“Lovin You is Fun” – Easton Corbin
Mr. Robert Griffin the Third, you have made being a fan during these Dan Snyder years worth it. Sincerely, The Hogettes.

Brian Reddoch is a CraveOnline reporter and rabid fan of all teams Seattle. You can follow him on Twitter @ReddReddoch and at www.facebookcom/